Sunday, August 1, 2010

Waiting for the other foot to drop

You know how sometimes you have that feeling that everything is going great..too great?
Well, that's whats been going on for the last couple of months with me. When my husband first had to move out of state for work, I was a wreck and then I sorta got used to it. I guess. All I know is, where I normally would be having a freak out.. I was instead creepy calm. Calm like I was actually sedated. Of course, that raised a red flag for me . Because I am hyper, by nature. It started feeling like I was waiting for the other foot to drop. You know that saying. It kind of ruins any chance for joy because you always feel like most likely the good will surely be followed by some thing horrible.
It's been really hard dealing with the big guy being gone a lot. Everything is left on my shoulders. Things I never worried about doing before. Little things like taking out the garbage, putting out the recycling, all the housework, all the kid concerns..all the time. It tends to turn a person into a cat on a ledge. You start feeling like you are walking around holding your breath. But ,for better or worse, I got used to it. I was handling it ( in my own way) but I knew in my heart, that's not like me to go so long without having a meltdown. You know... have a meltdown, cry it out, regroup..move on. Then it came.
The other night, a seemingly innocuous incident left me distraught. I'm not going to go into detail here because I did on my other blog and I just feel crazy repeating it again. Let's just say, after a momentously shitty day to round out an already stressful couple of months, a hangnail or paper cut may have induced the same reaction. My other foot dropped, right in the middle of a random Tuesday night. And I had a meltdown, I cried it out, I tried to regroup, I got up the next morning frantically called my doctor and I have now moved on.The reason I am mentioning it here is because if you feel like that other foot is going to most certainly will. Maybe not by fate but if you are waiting for disaster to strike, actually on the look out for it to rear its ugly little head, you will definitely find it..or maybe even cause it. Chicken ..egg..???